don't give up my dear friend

Pain really and truly sucks. ​

If that offends you or makes you feel uncomfortable I’m sorry. It doesn’t matter whether it’s physical pain or emotional pain. Either one can become overwhelming and drown out everything else around you. I know because I’ve had way too much of both in my life.

Some days I just want to sit down and cry—it can be so exhausting. Just the normal everyday stresses of life can be, at times, overwhelming.  And then, you add in unpredictable physical pain that can bombard you without warning and without mercy. Well, when that happens… What I really want to do...  If I answered honestly... I want to crawl under my desk, wrap up in a big comfy blanket, and have my husband gently hold me until I fall asleep. Sleeping is always the ultimate goal because it’s the one place in which I can find a respite from the pain—only very rarely can pain follow me into my dreams. 

However, in life, we seldom get to do what we really want, and unfortunately, you don’t get a day off from Lupus. So, when faced with the potential of debilitating pain—pain that would consume me if I let it. In those moments, what I actually do is bare down, grit my teeth, and become a first class actress who is an expert at manipulating her audience into seeing only what she wants them to see. 

You may not realize this unless you’ve lived with chronic pain, but pain, all to often, makes other people uncomfortable. So, I have learned that the way to handle it is to put on a plastic smile and just endure. My closest friends can usually see through my facade, but I’m pretty good at fooling the rest of the world.

I spoke last week about Living52. This week’s word for Living52 is courage. I don’t often think about the word courage, but this week as I looked at the definition I realized that it is a word that really does apply. One definition of courage is strength in the face of pain. I was diagnosed with Lupus when I was 24 years old. In the last 20 years pain has become such an everyday part of my life. So much so that I often don’t even think about it. I definitely don’t think about being courageous. Mostly, as stated above, my primary goal is to endure. Because Lupus or not, I still have to work, I still have to pay the bills, I still have to take care of the everyday minutiae of life. ​ 

I made the decision years ago I wasn’t going to let Lupus stop me from living my life. Sometimes I pay for that decision when it causes my lupus to flare, but I don’t regret the decision. ​​

I don’t know what it is you may be facing today. Maybe it's chronic pain like me, or maybe it’s emotional pain from personal tragedy or trauma, or maybe it’s something else. I want to encourage you to keep going, keep holding on, keep taking the next step. I don’t type those words lightly. I know from personal experience, that sometimes, it might seem easier to surrender—to give in. But on my most difficult days I’ve had two things that have given me strength: the love of family and friends and the hope of a great God. ​

In Joshua 1:9 it says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” ‭NASB‬‬

With love, strength, and God given courage, you and I can continue to embrace life even on the really hard days. Don’t give up my dear friend.